Oct 18, 2012

Thinking about the future...

 Life can be amazing and it seems that at some point in the past I forgot about that. I'm sitting here at my campsite after spending the morning hiking up Cadillac Mountain to see the sunrise. I left too early and climbed too fast...it left me at the top in chilly winds and darkness for about 30min waiting for that orange ball...our worlds fuel...to show itself over the horizon.

 Cadillac Mountain, on some occasions, is the first point in America to receive the morning glory of sun. I'm not sure what those actual dates are so I just assumed that this morning was one of them...and it was fabulous.

 Quite busy as you can imagine and I wasn't (but was if you know what i mean) surprised to see the entire parking lot filled with people. I didn't meet anyone else on my flashlight lit way up so I was in a very isolated frame of mind when I came across my first group of tourists at the top. I just quietly side stepped them and their picture taking. They too were there too early and it seemed like the group leader refused to go back into the car to wait it out.

 The sun's aura was on the horizon...I took a million photos but no camera could ever give it the same justice as your eyes. The ocean stretching for an infinity into the distance, the coast of Maine, so rugged and raw in it's presentation, islands, cliffs, rocks...so many rocks...and the smell...oh how I love the smell of the ocean.

 As I settled into place and started to slow my breathing in order to feel warmer and to stop myself from having a heart attack after the hike. I started thinking of the time when my friend Wes took me flying with his eagle feathers in a meditative state, the sweat I participated in, the stories that Dahlia the elder told us during our Blackfoot language classes, the songs of the pow wow and the thought of the first people and our history.

 I've done some heavy reading during my trip and I am trying to imagine the fear on both sides of the ocean as one sets out to explore new lands, settle them and make them home while the other braces themselves against this new visitor, unknown, sometimes unwanted. Looked at a map lately? Thought about sailing from europe to america? with no pfd's, radios, sonar beacons or rescue boats. What drove that? Simply a desire? Whether it was for something new, escape from something old, the scent of profit or adventure...what caused people to strike out as these original settlers did? We, now with our google maps, gps and cellphones can't even fathom what it was like. We really can't...the age of rough maps, ideas, true adventurous spirits where men and woman lived or died in a heart beat..that age is over. It puts a person in awe at the accomplishments but it also causes a lot of questions. The history that we "know"...we know to be biased for the most part, only about 400 yrs later are we picking up on a giant wool pulling...so what was it really like...what sorts of atrocities did we really do. The Trail of Tears is only one tiny part of settling America...one documented point where others lay in obscurity or never documented at all.

 Then on the occupied shores....a culture, a civilization living within itself, with it's own religion, it's one culture, ideas and concepts. Warring within itself, surviving for thousands of years with itself and then suddenly introduced to a new player in the game, equipped with new steel, new disease and new intentions. A player driven by profit over survival, material over necessity. They came claiming land for queens and kings that no one had ever heard of before. With lifestyles in minds that had to be made by breaking the physical environment down and rebuilding it in the image of their homeland. The relationship natives had with the land was something magical. An ebb and flow existence with the creator. It wasn't complicated. Work for the betterment of the tribe by bettering yourself. Always be aware and a part of your community. Authority comes from within a group not from outside. Respect your elders, listen to their knowledge. But the writing was on the wall for what we now know as North America. No matter how the red man allied himself, what techniques he developed, how tenacious he was in battle or on the farmers field...it was game over....and in the wake of that is us here today. If history is cyclical who will come visit us on our doorsteps a hundred or a thousand years from now? 

Anyway as my mind continued to wander the sun crested the horizon it being bigger than us and my questions being bigger than I can answer. So instead of fretting about it I settled into a zen-like state, half from exhaustion, the other half from the cold. The first rays of sunlight creeping over the horizon, days from the border. Warm sun feels so good after the cold. You can feel it's instant relief, energy...abundance.

 I thought about my trip, what I've over come, what I haven't. The real trick now as I am hours away from Canadian soil is...how do I move forward. What is it that I want to do? Where do I want to be? I won't know any of it till I'm there so I'm enjoying this while I'm here...but it's the big unknown at this point that seems to draw my attention more and more these days. With people waiting it's not really all that intimidating but knowing that I have to get going on earning some kind of dollars, returning possibly to real life in many unreal ways....that's worrisome in many ways.

 If you could make a carrier change what would it be? Would you be more worried about not having the same income therefore the same lifestyle - would you be more worried of the change in your daily routine - or - would you be more worried of potential failure?