Dec 5, 2013

The most heart wrenching post I have ever made...I love you dad!




I love you dad!





 There are times in life when you just think you are getting somewhere and then suddenly a left hook comes out of nowhere and deposits you firmly on your ass. You couldn’t prep for it, know about it, think about it or even fathom it…until it happens. 

 On December 5 at 2:30pm atlantic time, my dad, David James Howard, passed away. I’m sitting here looking at these black and white letters wondering why I’m even writing this…it may, like so many other posts, go unfinished as I wash the letters from my keys with tears. So many things to say but really only feeling one thing…like a great love has been stuffed inside my chest, forced there, more love than I ever thought I could contain inside. I never realized how much I loved him until now as horrible as that may be. I’d like to think that at the moment of passing he breathed his last breathe while thinking of all of us, everyone he touched, loved and cared for. Wishing us all a life of love and happiness! Wishing us reconciliation with past battles in order to have the best futures we can make for ourselves! His laugh echoing off the edges of the universe while his watchful eye is on us, not there to help anymore, just there to love unconditionally. 

 My dad, “Pops, the big guy, the old man…my hero (never really used that one as much as I should have)” has one of the most legendary hugs on the face of the earth. I am remembering him and my mom at the airport last time I was home to visit. Each one taking turns squeezing me, loving me. He made sure to ask me if I could come home again and visit in January as that visit was ultimately too short for the amount of time we hadn’t seen each other. I agreed, nothing sounded better than getting those squeezes from them sooner than later. It’s strange, 20yrs ago, they were just hugs. Now…they are like gold bricks, everyone is precious and something to cherish. 

 Dad was the big man, not just in size but in capacity. Bigger than I can imagine and I imagine that I’ll be seeing just how big he was as I get older and life throws more left hooks.

 He leaves behind a family that loves him so much. Loving wife, three children and a fan base that anyone would be lucky to have at any point in their life. The tears being shed tonight from coast to coast are what life is all about. Live, love, laugh! He did all that and more.  

 No regrets Dad! It would have never been long enough no matter what the time. I am happy you aren’t suffering. I love you, will always love you and will carry forth your spirit every day. 

 Peace out and be good to each other


15 comments:

  1. Dear Brian,
    Thinking of you... what a loving tribute to your dad. Take care, Heather

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    1. Hi Heather, just getting back to looking at the blog...makes me cry everytime. Thanks for being you! ;)

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  2. Oh Brian...no words.... Sending you lots of love, comfort, peace, strength, & big big big hugs. Wishing you comfort in the memories you hold.

    xoxo

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    1. btw...Patricia up there under Ananymous. :(

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  3. So sorry to hear of your loss Brian. Your dad sounded like his love for you was endless. All the best to you and your family. Shelly

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  4. So sorry about your father...my friend Hale was with your mother most of yesterday and wrote me today and said that she was with your mother when your father passed on...she said your Mom was strong and she will help her with whatever she can...life is too short and a good and loving man is hard to loose...once again so sorry for your loss...should you need any further help please let us know. Hale is a kind person and she is in good hands....sincerely Paula

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    1. Paula...I'm sorry I haven't sent anything to you sooner. I can't thank you enough for having Hale there with my mom at that time. My mom is so thankful for everything.
      Thank you McAuley family for reaching out!
      Big love to you all,
      Brian

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  5. This was beautiful Brian. A lovely tribute to a wonderful man. Love and hugs being sent from my family to yours.
    Lara

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    1. Thanks Lara! It was great to give you a hug before you went home. You've always been a part of this family and you love and hugs are always appreciated. ;)

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  6. My deepest condolences Brian...So so sorry for your loss...I have never met your father but I can't stop the tears now...
    Shohreh

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    1. Thank you for this Shohreh it means a lot to me.

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  7. Brian, I know how you are feeling as I have been here before, way too soon too. Thinking of you and your family. Hugs - "Prevey"

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    1. LP - sorry to sabotage your morning the other day with memories. Way to soon is right! Thanks for the hugs! Big love to you!

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Thank you!